I wake up, and I feel this force come over me. I sweat. And I think. No, hold on, my mind is racing, it is not really thinking. I feel this force over my throat. What is it? There is no one there. It is just me. Ahhhh. No. It cannot be this again. I thought I left this long time ago. Why do I feel like this? No energy. None whatsoever. I lay in bed. Motionless. Just like a corpse. I only breathe. Slowly. My heartbeat slows down. All I feel is my heart pumping slower. Sort of crying it self to sleep. I feel anxious, but cannot do anything about it. I feel helpless and lifeless. I cannot continue like this. Must keep busy, must keep busy. Ahhh…I scream at myself in my thoughts, “Get up. Do something. Don’t just lay here!!!”…but it is so hard. I feel my soul is starving…craving…that…one cup of coffee

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